Creating Conditions for Healthy Menstruation
On this International Women's day, I could not think of a better topic to explore - menstruation! Yet, our relationship with menstruation can be “complicated”... We typically don’t like to talk about them. If we do, it is only to blame women for their moodiness. They are “inconvenient.” They can create suffering, embarrassment, a mess. They are dreaded, denied, resented, even cursed. And, how much are these thoughts, attitudes and language we are using around menses perpetuating more suffering, and in the long run, impacting the “health” of our menstruation?
I will guide you through some steps to take as individuals, as well as within our communities, to begin to cultivate healing and respect around “that time of the month"...
Step #1: Acknowledge Your Menstrual Cycle
"Instead of menstruation happening to you, you begin to notice & recognize when menstruation happening within you."
That awareness will shift your perspective. Instead of always reacting when Just like any other perceived “problem”, the first step in working with a problem is to simply acknowledge it.
Acknowledge – “to accept or admit the existence or truth of.” In many ways, this is similar to Respect, which means “to look at” or simply, “to see.” How can you begin to acknowledge, and in time, not only respect menses, but embrace it?
For those of us with a uterus, menstruation is a natural biological process that is designed to occur. How tuned in and connected are you with your cycle? Do you pay attention to it, or try to ignore it?
Simply just paying attention is a good place to start. How long is your cycle? Is it regular? How does your mood shift? How do you feel during different parts of your cycle? Do you notice a connection with how you feel in relation to where you are at in your cycle? As you pay attention, in time, you will begin to understand the rhythms & symptoms of your own cycle. Maybe you will begin to recognize patterns, timing, allowing for more predictability and time to prepare for the coming of those symptoms.
Knowing what is going on will help you begin to respect where you are at with your menstruation cycle. Instead of menstruation happening to you, you begin to notice & recognize when menstruation happening within you.
Step #2: Learn More About Your Menstrual Cycle
Once you have begun to acknowledge and respect your cycle, the next step (or simultaneous) is to begin to develop more of an understanding of what is going on. Learn about it. Learn what is normal. Learn what is abnormal.
For example, you may notice how you may be influenced at different states in your cycle. Perhaps you begin to feel more tired, sensitive, emotional, or irritable right before or during menses. What if I told you that these symptoms can be completely normal?! How would this shift your perspective? When you begin to recognize those emotions coming up, listen to them and respect them. Perhaps it is time to stay in, to not make too many plans nor put yourself out there as much.
Menstruation is designed for fertility. Monthly menstruation / bleeding is a way that we get to discharge and “detox”, on a regular basis. We get to shed layers of the uterus on a regular basis. It is a time of release. If we chose to honor it as such, we can use it as a time to release other things in our life.
Many common menstrual-related symptoms are ways our body is attempting to get us to slow down in the crazy, chaotic lives we lead. Rest and slowing down are profoundly important in maintaining health and wellness. Resting is where healing occurs. We allow our nervous system and adrenal glands to rest and recover as well. The time of menstruation is a time to pause, release, go inward, self reflect, and respect our bodies.
As I was working on this piece, I began my own menstrual cycle. I knew it was on its way, as I had been feeling extra sensitive and vulnerable. I began to feel that familiar sensation of cramping, building up in intensity throughout the day. Not too many years ago, this cramping was an annoyance for me. A pain. Something I needed to “take care of.” As I sat with it yesterday, I realized how grateful I was for it. This cramping is my body’s way of reminding me to slow down, to take a pause. It allows me permission to take care of myself.
What happens if my menstrual cycle is showing signs of what is “not normal?”
"If there are symptoms coming up, it is a way that your body is communicating with you, letting you know that something is up. Paying attention to your menstrual cycle can give great insight to your overall underlying health."
There are many of us out there that experience symptoms that are considered “abnormal” that create suffering. This is likely another reason we may have unhealthy relationships with our menses, because they are such a pain, literally!
Maybe they are unpredictable? Heavy? Perhaps there is intense cramping, swelling, bloating, fatigue, intense mood swings, too many tears, and too many sugar and chocolate cravings. This can initially put a damper on a healthy relationship with your menstrual cycle. Again, how can you begin to shift your perspective? Your body is not out to get you. If there are symptoms coming up, it is a way that your body is communicating with you, letting you know that something is up. Paying attention to your menstrual cycle can give great insight to your overall underlying health.
As a naturopathic physician, I utilize these menstrual-related symptoms to help with diagnoses, treatment and approach. There is so much insight and wisdom that can come from knowing and understanding the picture of a menstrual cycle!
*Naturopathic doctors are great at addressing menstrual-related health issues and what is underneath them – hormone imbalance, inflammation, deficiencies, stress, mental-emotional components. We understand the conditions required for healing. We treat the whole person, rather than just chasing symptoms. We also have many effective tools in our toolbox to do this :)
Step #3: Address Any Negative Feelings Toward Your Menstrual Cycle
Maybe you are one that experiences physical and mental symptoms around your cycle. How are those symptoms affecting your attitude of your cycle?
What was your first period like? Were you prepared for it? Did you feel safe to tell anyone? Was it celebrated? Was it hushed?
Menstruation can bring up many emotional symptoms of past embarrassment, guilt, shame, inconvenience. It can be a reminder of past trauma, miscarriages, failed attempts of pregnancy. I remember after I miscarried, each following menses for a time felt like I was re-living my miscarriage, reminding me of that deep loss.
There can be so much around “that time of month,” which may feel like too much to handle. What happens when something feels overwhelming? We have a tendency to want to stop it, suppress it. This is lived out in mainstream medicine all the time. Cramps? Irregular cycles? No problem. Prescribe. Suppress. Control or stop menses altogether. They are now making birth control that gives you the “choice” of whether or not you want to bleed at all. No problem. But, is suppression really a solution?
When symptoms are suppressed or covered up, they don’t go away, because the underlying cause remains. Symptoms are really just a downstream effect of an underlying cause that needs to be addressed, which may be physical, mental, emotional and / or spiritual.
Following my miscarriage, I had an impulse to feel like a victim, to suffer, which was easy with my symptoms of breast tenderness, intense cramping and mood swings leading up to my menses. As I slowed down, acknowledged, and began to listen instead of simply react, I was able to feel the sadness and grief that was still there from the loss of that pregnancy. As I began to tend to those underlying emotions, I was able to begin to heal, and the physical symptoms eased over time.
Questions to Explore:
How can you begin to “see” or “accept” your cycle?
What is preventing you from respecting your cycle?
How are you “suppressing” what is coming up?
What does your “self talk” sound like around it?
Was there ever “shame” that was somehow unintentionally placed on it?
Step #4: Change Your Language
"What we curse, we cannot fully heal."
At the very least, do not curse it. It is a natural process that is very much a part of YOU. It is like cursing your knee because it hurts, or referring to it as your “bad knee.” How will a “bad knee” ever really heal? What are the conscious, energetic, and metaphysical repercussions of placing curses, shame, frustration, or labels on a part of you? Words have power. The words we chose to use create the reality around us.
What we curse, we cannot fully heal. What is required for healing to occur is respect, listening, honoring, trusting, and even thanking! Like I said, your body is not out to get you. And remember, if there are symptoms coming up, it is a way that your body is communicating with you, letting you know that something is up…
If we speak of our menses in a bad light, it will be of no surprise that our relationship with menstruation will suffer. Begin to notice and recognize the type of language you are using around your own menstrual cycle.
Step #5: Stop the Shame
“Patriarchy” – a misunderstood version of what it means to be masculine. We live in a patriarchal society..."
There are many shapes of shame and resentment that come up in regard to menstruation. Where does that shame around menstruation come from? Culture, society, language, and personal story all play into this shame. Shame will not serve any one of us.
Do not shame. Do not shame yourself, do not shame your neighbor. Are there ways that you are unintentionally doing this? Making sarcastic comments about how someone is PMSing? Laughing at those who do the same? Cursing your cycle? Getting in the way of being "productive?" These emotions and sentiments come out of the “patriarchy” – a misunderstood version of what it means to be masculine. We live in a patriarchal society, that creates pressure and expectations of how to be and act in the world that are not really true to ourselves.
Masculine & Feminine
The Patriarch is an unhealthy expression of the masculine - bravado, overcompensation, insecurity, lack of responsibility and honor, large egos, bullying… all you have to do is turn on the news to see it… This is not a healthy state to be in, especially when it comes to having a healthy relationship with menstruation. In contrast, a healthy expression of the masculine conveys protective, strong, secure, choosing to be present, honor, respect, judicious communication, taking responsibility, discipline, protector, and taking care of their family and “village” with those characteristics.
A healthy expression of the feminine conveys creativity, wisdom, care giving, healing, nurturing, and compassionate. An expression of a woman under the pressures and influence of the patriarch is very much like the man, which, for most of us, stems the shame and resentment of menstruation and being feminine. Note – we all hold a balance of both the feminine and masculine within us all. It is important to understand and embrace both.
It begins with awareness. Begin to explore and step into those qualities of the healthy feminine, as well as healthy masculine characteristics. Once that comes, you can begin to shift and heal those patterns. You will find yourself truly embracing your true self, and will begin to heal and create conditions for a healthy menstrual cycle.
Step #6: Honor Your Cycle
"How will you choose to honor your beautiful self? Honoring is healing."
Through the ages, menstruation was not always something that was resented. It was honored.
In many indigenous cultures, women are viewed as very powerful during menses. Sometimes, the women are even able to remove themselves from the day-to-day responsibilities and interactions of their community. *The Red Tent by Anita Diamant is a great book to read more about this. How nice does that sound? Maybe we do not have a red tent to retreat to, but how can we begin to create our own “Red Tent” during that time of the month?
Suggestions for beginning to honor yourself during menstruation:
Meditate
Connect with Nature
Journal
Stay “in”
Ask for help
Feed yourself
A nice hot bath with dim lights, Epsom salt, herbs, music… ah…
How will you choose to honor your beautiful self? Honoring is healing.
In Honor and Healing to the Feminine,
Dr. Sarah Sue